“Good. Go and enjoy life.”
This has become my usual line in the daycare centre. I say
it to kids from my Year Two class who have completed their homework and
revision for the day.
Every time I’d say that, they’d flash their sheepish, bashful
smiles. Some asked what I meant exactly by “enjoying life”. I simply told them
to do whatever they wanted (as long as it didn’t disturb other ongoing classes)
and, literally, enjoy life.
Some choose to draw, some read comics, and the boys of
course play games. Regardless, they’d always seem to be enjoying themselves. I’d
look at them and sometimes travel back in time when I once was like them:
carefree, worriless and happy.
In fact, most of us were like that. Most of our childhoods were
some of the most magical and enchanting times of our lives filled with memories
that we’d give anything and everything to relive them once more. We really did enjoy life.
Then we started growing up. And gradually, you learn that
life’s actually a lot tougher than you think.
They say ‘ignorance is bliss’, and rightfully so. I’ve yet
to start university and I’ve already found myself constantly worrying about a
variety of things: present challenges, future obstacles, even personal demons.
I’d like to think it’s the same for most of us. Our thoughts are plagued with valid,
terrifying concerns, that it really is hard to take ourselves out of
everything, and just enjoy life. It simply doesn’t work that way.
A friend of mine recently texted me out of the blue and
asked me what ‘enjoying life’ meant to me. Given how much of that phrase I’ve
used over the past month or so, I was taken aback momentarily by the
coincidence.
Then it occurred to me: other than shrugging off my kids’
questions about this, I’ve never really given much thought about enjoying life.
I promised him I’d write on this to answer his question, thinking
I’d be able to formulate something. As of now, I’m rather baffled by my failing
to do so.
I’m still 19, I still have so much ahead of me, and I still
don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing with life. But I do know what I’d
like to chase after. I’d be lying if I said the thought of possessing unparalleled
wealth, migrating to the States and living the LA life didn’t excite me. I’ve
wanted for these to happen since god-knows-when, and I still do. We all have
dreams and things we want that seem so farfetched and outlandish that even we
sometimes question our sense of reasoning. I for one do that more often than
you’d imagine. Not that I’m gonna stop working towards realizing that dream of
mine, but I do think that there are some more important things in life that I’d
like to work for, more than anything.
I can’t go back in time and relive my childhood days. I can’t
run away from obligations. I can’t depend on anyone else anymore to sustain
myself…financially, at least. I have to work. I have to have a career. And in
that case, I’m gonna enjoy my work. Not necessarily the politics and nature of
the workfield, but the essence of what I do for work. Fuck expectations,
especially those from single-minded parents. This is your life, and yours only.
You’re living it, not them. Go after what you truly feel passionate about. I
spent most of my schooling years trying to find a conventional STEM career that
I would be good at, all while denying my desire of using my voice to entertain
people. If it’s enjoying life you desire, then don’t sacrifice your happiness
and sanity in favour of another career option that doesn’t interest you
whatsoever. I truly believe if you enjoy your work, you will most definitely be
productive and successful at it too. Both come hand in hand.
Speaking of which, being mediocre in what I do is an absolutely
terrifying thought. Taylor Swift said the exact same thing. When it comes to
things I truly have a passion for, I’ve always made it a point to put in the
work and dedication to be good at them. This first came for me in the form of
examination scores, which later on expanded to co-curricular competitions and
my coaching duties back in school. To not give it your all, or to render
yourself from being 100% is in my opinion to allow yourself to sink in remorse
later on. Past experiences have taught me that to strive for excellence in the
things you enjoy doing is truly an unparalleled reward. And I think that’s
another way of enjoying life, too. To always be dedicated in your job and to
never stop reaching for the sky…that can liberating and fulfilling, too.
I long for love. Love from my family and friends. Love from…a
lover. And love doesn’t always come easy, especially for people living in
regions in which society imposes a fixed definition on something so
transcendent and heavenly. And that’s a massive reason as to why I hope to
relocate to a foreign land, where the embracing and acceptance of love remains far
more abundant. That aside, I’m still hopeful despite the circumstances. I’d
love to have an amazing circle of people in my life as my rock, and know that
whenever I need a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear, they’d be there for
me. More than anything, I hope every time I’m done with work, I can come back
home with a huge smile on my face. Because no matter how good or bad my day
went, the other person would be there. To hold me and embrace me, and to let me
know that everything’s gonna be okay. And that I’d be able to do the same thing
for the other person too. I’d never stop being grateful for having someone that
I can let go of my inhibitions and share my life with. I think it’s so
important to never let the materialistic things make you lose sight of the love
that you’re surrounded with. To love and to be loved…I’d say that’s a huge part
in enjoying life.
Really, above all else, my dreams are that simple. To love
what I do, to be successful at what I do, and to be able to share moments of my
life with my loves.
I may look back at this post in 10 years and laugh in
amusement or whatever, but at least for right now, 19-year-old Ernest feels really
strongly about this.
And I have faith that I’ll be able to have all of these,
too. I’m gonna hold onto that pure faith and keep working hard. Because I think
having faith is beautiful. And that to some extent, to have faith in a
beautiful life full of love, is on its own, enjoying life, too.
