Moments: 2015

The severity of the floods in the east coast led to a one-week delay in the reopening of schools across the nation in the beginning of the year. I remember feeling groggy having just woken up when I found out about this on the news. I appeared as cool as a cucumber on the outside when all I could think of in my head was, “Hooray! One more week with my cucumber!”.

It was symbolic to how things started off in 2015 for me. I had a lover and I was happy. I knew my final year in Sixth Form would be tough but I felt motivated to do better than I did in my previous semester last year. Things were pleasant…pleasantly great.

Then it started dawning on me that cucumber would be off to university and we would be parting ways after what had been an enchanting December. Before I knew it, February came. And cucumber left. And it was unbearable. It felt weird adjusting to the fact that your text messages would no longer be reaching your loved one.

But I did anyway. And I kept myself busy. I promised myself I would place emphasis on my studies this year, but as always, loads of other things kept piling up anyway. (Believe me, I had no idea how it happened either.) I don’t consider this a bad thing, though. It can be overwhelming at times, but at the end of the day, it does feel nice to know that you’re able to utilize your abilities and take on challenges other people normally wouldn’t. I like the challenge.

The downs this year were more frequent and severe than I’d like for them to be. Turns out, my cucumber wasn’t the only one I had to say goodbye to. Some close relatives left us as well. And our classmate was taken away from us waaaayyy too soon. I’ve never experienced something quite as awful like this. To know that someone who was always a constant presence and an arm’s length away from you in class would be gone just like *that*…it affected us for quite a while. But there was definitely a lesson to be learnt from these goodbyes that I had to endure: that time waits for no man, and we should all make it a point to show the people we love how much we appreciate their unconditional support.

I couldn’t release a studio album about my life as a 19-year-old like Adele did but that doesn’t make it any less monumental and important. I had great success with my team towards the end of 2014 in an entrepreneurship convention, so I’m grateful that I was able to continue using my voice for certain causes this year. I got back into MUN after a hiatus and had the honour of partaking in this year’s PenangMUN. I hosted several major events in school, including a concert and the opening ceremony of our international students’ camp. But perhaps the most memorable affair for me, was when I decided to take a chance and talked about gay rights in a public speaking competition. I knew it was a risk, and I knew it would be polarizing, but I knew that was a splendid opportunity for me to speak out on something I was passionate about. I didn’t end up winning, but the opportunity on its own (and me grabbing it) tasted just as sweet as victory.

(Fun fact: A friend of mine who was present that day was assigned to submit a report on his thoughts on the competition. He wrote a paragraph about what I presented, which literally brought me on the verge of tears. It’s something that I’ll always hold on to and remember when I want to speak up on something I’m passionate about, regardless of what others may think. So Edreal, if you’re reading this, thank you so much, buddy! ;) )

Publishing a yearbook is tough. Being editor-in-chief is even tougher. Just the amount of responsibility that entails can be frightening. The amount of activities that our school committed to this year didn’t help our case either. We were a little late in finishing up the yearbook, but I’m just relieved that everything worked out in the end.

Arguably the sweetest bit of them all, was being able to witness the results of your unconditional nurturing. I’ve always taken my duty as coach of my poetry recital team very seriously, and being able to be a part of their journey to nationals was immensely gratifying. This family has brought me so much memories, not just this past year, but every year since I’ve been involved in poetry recital. I realize moving on at some point is inevitable, but till then, I will dedicate my entire heart and soul into nurturing more talents and passionate juniors to the best of my abilities. I know how enchanting this experience has been for me. I hope I can pave a journey hopefully as enchanting for them too.

Then came hell month in the form of November. Examinations were stressful, and a breakup added to the burden of it all. And I’m sure by the end of it, all of us Sixth Formers were beyond glad that we had survived arguably the toughest phase of Sixth Form.

I celebrated graduation this time around with slightly more activities than a couple of years ago. Prom was great. Getting to dress up was great. And I went hiking…a lot…which I enjoyed and appreciated a lot! I am by zero means athletic or sporty, so it was nice to know that I was actually capable of attempting something so physically demanding…and succeeding.

......

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, 2015 has been a year full of ups and downs, triumphant moments and heart-wrenching ones. The sad bits stood out a little more than the happy ones, if I'm being honest. But I won't discount the moments where I truly felt grateful and blessed to just be able to live and do the things I love.

Questions and uncertainties persist. I’m starting uni really really soon and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to study overseas. I’m not exactly set on what course I want to study either. I am in urgent need to start figuring out uni applications and all the nitty gritty. I’m starting work as an assistant tutor at a daycare centre in a few days and I have no idea how terrifying kids over there will be. And with a job now, I need to figure out how I’m going to juggle between that and my coaching duties.

SO. MUCH. TO. WORRY. ABOUT.

But I guess I’ll be fine. I’ve made it through every year thus far all right. I’ll manage.

Here’s to health, happiness, and many more opportunities for me to pursue my passion and interests in the new year.

Goodbye, 2015. And hello, 2016.

The Rubens' Tube!

NOT my girlfriend. I promise.

1 of 8 Band 6 scorers in the July session of MUET in the entire country...not bad I guess.

Happy New Year everyone! <3

Goodbye & Good Luck

I’d like to dedicate blog post numero uno to a special someone who was once very special in my life.

……

Technically this isn’t our first time parting ways.

The first time we bade farewell, I remember very vividly like it just happened yesterday. It was the day of the GRAMMYs. The entire morning in school, I probably looked like someone killed my puppy. My teacher noticed something was amiss when she found me sitting alone in the classroom during recess. I assured her I was fine, when in reality, I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were leaving, and that I wasn’t going to see you for at least a year.

I got back home, showered and had lunch at lightning speed, then headed to the bus stand. Come to think of it, timing worked out as perfectly as it could have been. The bus came very shortly after, and about an hour and a half later, I was there at the airport. I sort of wandered aimlessly and wondered if you’d actually arrived, but then I spotted you and felt a surge of relief washing over me. Even more relieving was that I was the first one there. You don’t know how glad I was to be able to have a one-on-one moment with you before your friends and colleagues came flooding in. I had previously debated on whether or not I should be there in the first place, not wanting to feel like a complete outcast in the sea of people who would be present like I exactly did then. But everything eventually came down to you. And if I could see you one last time before you left, all else were insignificant. 

You cried before you departed. I cried ten times harder into my mummy’s shoulders when I got back. Mummy hadn’t seen me break down like that in a long, long time. Not since I was ten or something. She probably was shocked, but just allowed me to let everything out despite the apparent incoherence. She comforted me by reminding me that soon enough, we would meet again.

And I always believed we would. After all, Taylor Swift lost all of her GRAMMY nominations. And that meant I owed you dinner…and still do.

The second goodbye was also memorable…for all the wrong reasons. It happened over the phone on Whatsapp. I knew it was imminent. Like a bomb that was going to explode at any moment. Maybe things just fizzled out. Maybe I didn’t make as much of an effort initially to maintain communication. Maybe you wanted to get back at me for that by being cold and spiteful when I did put in the effort later on. Maybe we were both fools. Maybe we were both at fault. I could list out a hundred ‘maybe’s that led to what happened but it would be unnecessary. It happened, period. But knowing it was imminent didn’t make it hurt any less. If anything, hanging in there for as long as I did and knowing we were THIS close to seeing each other again made it all the more devastating.

I lost my motivation to prepare for my repeats. I wondered a lot about what could and should have been. I made it a point to be angry (at you, especially) because I really wished you would have just come clean with me when your heart wasn’t in it anymore. I promised myself, the night before my birthday at the park, that that would be the last tear I shed for you. I became unnecessarily aggravated when you didn’t wish me a happy birthday when you said you wanted us to remain as friends.

Things got ugly between us. We were spitting venoms at each other. I often wondered if knowing you was one thing that should’ve never happened.

Part of me though still held on to the little belief, that maybe when the coast cleared, we would be able to see each other again and hang out…on good terms.

I just recently found out about your news on Twitter. Granted, the two farewells that preceded this one hurt infinitely more. This time though…I feel as though I’m saying goodbye for good.

My initial reaction? Sad? Angry? Disappointed? Honestly, no. A little shocked, maybe…but nothing extravagant. Perhaps I’d always thought that at some point in the future when you came back, we would be able to meet up and all. It just never occurred to me that you moving permanently would even remotely be a possibility.

Then again, don’t most humans make the same mistake? Take things for granted, only to realize later on, that nothing really lasts forever?

“Love is so short, forgetting is so long.” Our love accelerated from zero to 100 very rapidly in the beginning. We enjoyed the thrill of this roller coaster ride. But we eventually lost control of our vehicle, crashed and burned. Loads of factors led to this…but would I ever take anything back? 

Truthfully, no. Because in the midst of our roller coaster ride, you’ve taught and given me so much. You epitomize responsibility and drive in a way that can never be paralleled. You’ve handled (or tolerated) my sometimes insufferable self like a pro. You’ve given me so much love and support through the good and bad (remember when my mummy went gaga after I asked her if I could go on a one-day trip to KL with you?). You’ve shown me that despite the obstacles, with dedication and hard work, nothing is impossible.

You always mentioned about how you needed to work infinitely harder to prove people wrong. I just hope you know, that you are anything BUT a disappointment. You’ve accomplished so much, what is there of you that is to be looked down at? (ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.)

And who knows what the future holds? Maybe we would meet again. (I still owe you dinner, anyway.) Maybe we’d look back at all the times we shared together, and laugh at all the stupid little moments that once defined our tiny universe.

Till then, I will look back at the two short but magical months we spent together…and reminisce the moments where you made me feel like the luckiest boy in the entire universe.

Till then…goodbye. And good luck.