Fizzled Out

How do things fizzle out in a mere couple of days? Feelings, specifically?

There I was thinking you may be it. Until a couple of days later.

Your messages made me happy...for one day. Beyond that, they kept coming, and I found myself feeling increasingly burdened and annoyed.

And it's ridiculous! Horridly ridiculous. Because all of it felt a whole lot like a terrible nightmare.

I do feel bad. I feel like I was somewhat leading you on, only to desperately want to shrug you off like a big dirtbag.

I instantly thought of a line from the prologue from Red that really resonated with me.

"...you saw sparks that weren’t really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning..."

A spark it was exactly. Only this time wasn't like last time. This lasted less than what felt like a minute.

Maybe I'll find it one day. Maybe I'll come across an ember that ignites and lasts for a good while. One that leaves my heart racing even after what feels like forever.

For now...I'll consider this a lesson learnt.

"Oh hi"

“Oh hi”

You appeared out of nowhere with a greeting so casual and effortless, that it almost seemed intimidating.

This shouldn’t have happened. It was meant to just be a tap on my phone screen, period. Nothing should have entailed as it normally wouldn’t.

But it did. You did.

And my heart is left palpitating with trepidation, a first since a confession that was misinterpreted as platonic admiration.

Which is crazy, because we’re technically miles and miles apart, and none of these would ever materialize. One would be foolish to ever consider the possibility of it materializing.

But one can always hope either.

This may turn out to be merely a phase…but god do I fervently wish it isn’t.

I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m not sure if I want to, either. The questions keep lingering, yet no answers might ever come to them.

I’ll just let go and LET things happen on their own, I guess.

Meanwhile…

Oh…hey. :)