It’s over.
Everything that had been magical, enchanting and
invigorating…it all faded, dissipated, slowly, then all at once.
I saw it coming, in all fairness. When the flames grew
smaller and the sparks started to fizzle out, I had an inkling, that the
inevitable was nearing. My love-struck self, however, insisted it was worth
holding out for, if the flame was all that I had to cherish dearly, and even if
it was dying out.
I’m not angry; I can’t be. I wanted honesty, you gave me
that. It hurts beyond belief, but sugar-coating or hiding anything would make
the pain infinitely worse. That in itself is a consolation: the tumour of
heartache was uprooted before it could manifest and consume my entire being.
If anything, I should be happy. I should be happy that you
decided it’s in everyone’s interest to stay loyal, and I should be happy for
him that you’ve gotten around to realizing that, even if it came at the expense
of the elusive “what could have been”.
Could it have been something? Had I met you first, would we
be continuing on this chapter of the story instead of arriving at such an
abrupt and bruised closing? Could it have been a start of an indescribable
journey that so many desire, yet so few get?
Alas, we’d never find out. And right now, my heart is
breaking, bleeding, weeping… I feel my body enveloped in heartache and I can’t
stop thinking about everything that could have been. It’s hard. It’s even
harder after a rough week of re-adjusting to a new semester in university,
deciding to switch minors, as well as dealing with crumbling friendships that once
seemed so impenetrable. It’s only been a week yet the stress has worn me down
dramatically. It’s hard. It really is.
But I’ve been through this. And I’m stronger than this. I
won’t let my ache-filled heart consume me. I had such a great semester last
year, I refuse to let this week set the tone for how this semester is going to
be like.
I’m aching. I’m aching like a butterfly who just had its
wings ripped off of with brute force. It’s overwhelming, but I’ll bounce back.
I’ll stay hopeful, for the next right person to come along.
For now…just give me a night to process everything.
Maybe two.
