Faded

It’s over.

Everything that had been magical, enchanting and invigorating…it all faded, dissipated, slowly, then all at once.

I saw it coming, in all fairness. When the flames grew smaller and the sparks started to fizzle out, I had an inkling, that the inevitable was nearing. My love-struck self, however, insisted it was worth holding out for, if the flame was all that I had to cherish dearly, and even if it was dying out.

I’m not angry; I can’t be. I wanted honesty, you gave me that. It hurts beyond belief, but sugar-coating or hiding anything would make the pain infinitely worse. That in itself is a consolation: the tumour of heartache was uprooted before it could manifest and consume my entire being.

If anything, I should be happy. I should be happy that you decided it’s in everyone’s interest to stay loyal, and I should be happy for him that you’ve gotten around to realizing that, even if it came at the expense of the elusive “what could have been”.

Could it have been something? Had I met you first, would we be continuing on this chapter of the story instead of arriving at such an abrupt and bruised closing? Could it have been a start of an indescribable journey that so many desire, yet so few get?

Alas, we’d never find out. And right now, my heart is breaking, bleeding, weeping… I feel my body enveloped in heartache and I can’t stop thinking about everything that could have been. It’s hard. It’s even harder after a rough week of re-adjusting to a new semester in university, deciding to switch minors, as well as dealing with crumbling friendships that once seemed so impenetrable. It’s only been a week yet the stress has worn me down dramatically. It’s hard. It really is.

But I’ve been through this. And I’m stronger than this. I won’t let my ache-filled heart consume me. I had such a great semester last year, I refuse to let this week set the tone for how this semester is going to be like.

I’m aching. I’m aching like a butterfly who just had its wings ripped off of with brute force. It’s overwhelming, but I’ll bounce back. I’ll stay hopeful, for the next right person to come along.

For now…just give me a night to process everything.

Maybe two.