'hey. missing you.'

It gets lonely. It gets cold. I often lie in bed, wondering if my longings and desires are ever reciprocated. So often do I sigh in overwhelming lonesomeness, scared of the reality of one-sided affection that always materializes into yet another episode of scars and tears. 

A chance - that has always been reason for my holding on. A chance that somehow, my patience and dedication would come to fruition. A chance that someday, circumstances would be of zero interference, and two souls could unite in a world that seems unforgivingly cold.

Yet I know so well, that chances have yet amounted to anything substantial or tangible worth cherishing. I know full well that these chances have always ended up combusting brightly with passion, only to glimmer and fade into nothingness.

It shouldn't have to be this way, I protested. I shouldn't have to suffer so much in the hope of one chance at love, one chance at happiness. It doesn't seem fair, that while others can freely express their love through acts of grandeur, the simplest of things seem to me like a luxury I cannot afford.

A simple meal. A simple note. A gentle smile. A text message...

......

"Zzzzzip." the vibration of my phone rocked my body and thoughts like a firecracker.

I jolted awake. In anticipation, I looked at the screen.

"hey. missing you. xx"

And just like that, my desolation dissipated. Gone was the sense of loneliness, as I finally had him on the other hand, accompanying me through 15 minutes of my lonesome night. Gone was my fear and insecurity, as they paled in comparison to the joy and elation of living in the moment, and cherishing the one person who mattered more than anything else at present.

"I miss you too. how was your day?"

Texts exchanged like the sweet nothings we used to enjoy in person. Emojis enveloped me like the lemon scent I vividly recalled from the night we first embraced in a cozy studio room we had rented. Words wrapped me like the comfortable blanket we shared on the night we held each other tight and caved in to the vulnerabilities of our love-deprived souls.

......

'i'll talk to you again tmr?'

'muacks. goodnight sayang.'

'muacks.'

It still gets lonely. It still gets cold. But the nights are at least more bearable now.

That's more than what I can ask for.

............

To AAAS. 171119.