Something Borrowed, Something Blue

We crossed the iconic red bridge, descended the stairs and made it to sandy beach of Pantai Kerachut.

“What time is it?” I inquired as we dropped our bags under the shade.

“Almost ten,” Stinson got his phone out and checked.

Almost ten…we started at about 9.10 a.m. so that would mean…

“Hmm…under 50 minutes…” I uttered matter-of-factly. I was lightly screaming in joy on the inside.

“What, does 56 minutes still hold much significance to you?” my other friend said, jokingly and sarcastically. He knew what it meant.

“What??!! Of course not!”

It wasn’t until a few seconds in, that I started to question the veracity of my instinctual response.

…………

It was technically my first time stepping foot on Pantai Kerachut; we’ve always hiked past it and straight to Teluk Kampi in previous trips. As expected, the sand was great, the water felt great, the view was pretty spectacular too.

Mr. Sarcastic and I were having fun swimming in the ocean when Stinson hollered at us, saying we’d need to head to Teluk Kampi. He’s planning on making a ring out of sand alone, and apparently the sand over at Pantai Kerachut wasn’t pure enough for that.

Both of them wanted to clean up a little before we resumed hiking, so I sat alone under the shade as I waited for them to come back. I took in the marvelous view before me and, not for the first time, allowed myself to be captivated by it. For someone who almost always stays in, I almost never seem to care much for how the sky looked, but boy, the sky was so blue…so beautiful. Funny how it always takes arduous hiking trips for me to actually appreciate the simple things about Mother Nature that are breathtakingly precious.

I looked to my right: two young couples (all four of which I presume are really close friends) were laying on the sand just a few metres from me. They arrived at the beach not long after we did. One of the two couples were busy taking adorable wefies while the other…well, the guy was laying down with his head on his girlfriend’s lap. He was gently caressing her arm while their eyes were locked onto each other, as if it were just the both of them in their tiny universe.

I couldn’t help but smile. I was in a way invading their world but it was just so heartwarming to witness that.

And then I was reminded how not too long ago, I had that as well.

I turned to my left: there was an old couple sitting close to each other too. No caressing, no pictures or any other outward affectionate gestures. They just sat there, enjoying the view of the beach and the cooling sea breeze.

That took ‘heartwarming’ to a whole new level.

I wanted that.

I thought of that agonizing December night, after a tiring day of cold war with my mum, where we held each other tight on that beach. It was cold, but warmth radiated throughout my entire body. I remember how sweet it felt.

I had that. Not too long ago, I had that.

…………..

Soggy, cold noodles really aren’t appetizing, I thought.

We were at Teluk Kampi. Both my friends had already finished lunch and were by the shore. I was alone at the bench eating slowly.

I seized the opportunity and played some music on my phone. You know, the kind of music Mr. Sarcastic strongly disapproves of.

“And I know it’s long gone
And that magic’s not here no more
And I might be okay
But I’m not fine at all”

I was alone at the bench, but it wasn’t until the music played that I actually FELT alone.

I instantly pictured you sitting on the other side of the table. Just you and I, enjoying lunch, reveling in the bliss of each other’s presence. We always talked about how we would one day go on hiking trips like this, and I’ve never forgotten about them. They never materialized, but I could never forget them either.

“You called me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I’m a crumbled up piece of paper lying here
‘Cause I remember it all too well”

And I thought I had been okay with those immaterialized plans. I thought I had being doing a pretty good job moving on. I’d gone on for about a month now without constantly going back to your Twitter feeds just to see if you’d tweeted anything at all about me and get a hint of how you feel about me still. I’d gone on even longer without occasionally revisiting photos of us together. I’d even, for the first time, felt ready to delete them from my computer for good. I genuinely thought I was ready to return every little tiny moment I borrowed from you that stood out like no other.

I should probably reevaluate my progress, to say the least. Selfish, but I think I might need to borrow them for quite another while before I let them go.

“Now you mail back my things
And I walk home alone
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well”

…………

I eventually finished my food and joined Mr. Sarcastic in the ocean again as Stinson went in search for pure sand.

I looked up ahead once more. The sky was still mesmerizing in its glorious blue.  The horizon remained spectacular. The view coupled with the blazing sun was again unmistakably beautiful.

If only all things as precious remained as they were, forever and ever.

“HOW ARE YOU?!” I silently shouted in my heart as I sighed.

How are you?