Twice a Day: Dear Little Sister

Dear Cheryl/Mei Mei (妹妹),

I had just finished a run I participated in on a Friday night when I felt my phone ringing. It was your mummy, and I was concerned. She had just been admitted into the hospital the day before, when your UPSR results were released.

“Hello?” you croaked. I felt a mixture of elation and concern. I hadn’t known how well you've performed yet.

“Hey Mei Mei!” I tried to be as cheerful and encouraging as I could. It seemed at that point like you needed that.

“I’m fine…um…” that hesitation in your voice started to concern me. Your mummy said you cried rather badly in school that day. It can only mean mediocre results, I thought.

“How did you do Mei Mei?” I asked with anticipation.

“I…I got 6As…”

I was dumbfounded. 6 out of 8. It was more than I would’ve ever anticipated.

“That’s amazing, Mei Mei!”

“But…but…*sigh*…I was aiming for 7As…”

Your voice cracked, and so did my heart.

***

I see so much of how I was in you. How we tend to set high bars of goals to strive towards, how we expect ourselves to perform consistently, and how we’d unapologetically beat ourselves up if we fail to achieve what we set out for. Trust me when I say that I had my fair share of getting all worked up over not finishing at the top of my class in high school or getting results that were nothing short of excellent. I’d go as far as say I was even more intense than you are, in that I’d inadvertently turn every school examination into an intense, ruthless battle, just to attain fickle, superficial validation from everyone else, and prove that I had something to offer.

Would I say that such an aggressive mentality helped in my academic performance? Absolutely. But in hindsight I’m glad to know you don’t adopt a mindset as aggressive as mine in your studies. I know you aim high, and that’s really good. But life is so much more than just getting to the end result. The journey that led you to this moment in time should be something that you should instead have immense pride in. In the words of Hannah Montana (-wink-), “ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the climb”.

Do you remember earlier this year, how you were royally struggling with mathematics? Struggling so much, that you decided that running away from it all was a solution. Your mummy became concerned. We had conversations and discussions over the phone over your situation, and it got to a point where she just didn’t know what to do to help you out. You wept, and she did too on the inside. It felt as if we were all taking a trip down to dark ruins.

I refused to let it happen. I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow it, especially when I have so much faith in my little half-sister, who possesses an intelligence and maturity that is unique, precious and unparalleled by most peers your age. I knew I had to at least talk to you and get to the bottom of this.

I guess things escalated to a head in March when you fell really ill on your way with mummy back to Penang. We rushed over to the hospital that night, and my heart broke at how frail you looked lying on the large hospital bed. Whatever happened, I knew it was more than mere physical exhaustion; you must have endured an arduous period of indescribable distress. I was so glad to see how your face lit up at the sight of both me and Da Ge. I’m happy that our presence there meant that much to you.

While Da Ge was having a conversation of his own with the mothers, I had the chance to take you out of the room for a bit and stroll around within the complex. We talked. We laughed. We opened up. I knew at that point you were as frustrated and concerned as everyone else would be about your studies. I assured you that I’d be there to help, not just with any question you had problems with, but also with your source of encouragement, motivation and assurance that you’ll win this battle, whenever you felt like you needed it.

Mei Mei, I want you to look at how far you’ve come in less than a year. From a significant disparity in your subject results to a very formidable 6As and 2Bs in UPSR. Just let that sink in for a moment. ;)

I know you wanted a 7A result, and you can be a little bit upset about falling so slightly short of your end goal. But I want you to also know that what’s even more amazing than a straight A’s result, is how you’ve managed to pick yourself up after falling, and fought this war like the brave little soldier you are. We’re proud of your 6As, and we’re even prouder with your progress, your determination, your persistence, and the amount of fight we’ve all witnessed in you during this six-month period. Life isn’t a pursuit of constant excellence, but rather a journey where you strive to never stop improving and becoming a better person than you were the day before.

And this is JUST the beginning, Mei Mei. You’ll have so many more battles in life that you’ll have to fight. Sitting for major examinations like PT3 (assuming it’s not abolished LOL) and SPM, assuming roles of leadership in high school, making new friends, embarking on various journeys…those battles won’t be easy either. So promise me, that you’ll never ever be complacent, and that you’ll continue putting your best foot forward in anything you undertake, alright?

And no matter what happens, straight A’s or not, you’ll forever be the best little sister any big brother can ever ask for. I’m so honoured to be able to call you my Mei Mei, and I hope you’ll never be shy to call me if you ever need help with math questions in the future? :P

I love you to the moon and back, and I’m so proud of you. We all are. J

Your sergeant,

Er Ge (二哥)